Well, hello again.
It's a wonderful day to be clean! I am sitting here with my niece and grand daughter, watching Harry Potter. I love these movies!

We have a lot to be greatful for! Our garden is flourishing and so are the grand kids! I love getting updates on them frequently.

I start school this August and I am excited! I can;t wait to start! I am a little worried about life right now. I am not sure what will happen next, but who can say! Anyway, I went and visited mom today. She looks well, and I'm positive she can get well enough to come home.

ok, the date is getting later, The year is going on and passing me by! I enrolled in school today! I am so happy about that. I am just sad about my friend's daughter, yet I know I'll see her again. She no longer is suffering. I think the biggest thing is that my son'd mortality is more in my face than ever. I get so worried about him, he's 21, and was born with 3 major heart defects. I am more worried than ever. He gets so tired all of the time and that usually is a sign that it's getting close to the time for another surgery. I am afraid for him. He has an 80 yr old's heart at this point. I just worry. As for the life going on around me, my mom is still in the hospital, has been there since before Thanksgiving. I just hope she gets well enough to go home soon! My Grand kids are awesome!!!! Ava the oldest is growing so fast! She says things like " you're killing me", and sings about her mema and pepa! It's wonderful! Preston is already 5 and a half months old! We've had another grandson and it's getting closer to Alyssa's 2nd birthday! Where does all of the time go?

Well, I planted a huge garden this year and OM It's just flourishing!!!! I will try to catch up sooner next time!

Continued...

cooked long enough! Yo'ull get here soon! I am so very greatful for the Spoynsor my Heavenly Father helped me choose! I am greatful for the friends that keep me grounded and not so crazy! I can just say that I am loved and I love today! The greatest gifts are from above! I am so greatful for Christ's atoneing sacrifice and that we are able to be forgiven if we allow that. My faith just continues to grow and my love for the program and my faith in Heavenly Father.

Another year is about to end

I was sitting here thinking about this whole year and the good things that have happened! I am so grateful for that my mom is doing better, I am grateful for my life and the people that come in and out my life. I have been so blessed this year!
My husaband is a booger! I love him dearly! I miss my friend JeriBeth. She moved away to GA and I miss her laugh! I will cherish the huge barbcue and watching Finding Nemo, and Ice Age. I haven't laughed that hard at someone's reactions in So long!
I miss my grandduaghter in MO, and my daughters there too! I miss my friends that we've lost in the fellowship. I know that I will see them again someday, and I know they are sitting with Jimmy K having the most awesome meeting!!! I love the fact that I see my oldest granddaughter Ava regularly now! I felt such a hole in my heart that is now so full!!!! I love the fact that I have 2, yes two Grandsons on the way! Preston keeps thinking he's coming

just....

This is a picture of 3 of my girls! ( nieces )

I sit here watching the OU, OSU game and I am tired GO OU!!!!!!!!!!. I need to get a few things off the chest so I can breathe again. My teenagers are driving my last nerve until I want to scream!!!!! My mom said I was a good kid, I thought we get what we gave our parents. I want to see the New Moon movie, can't because we are so broke we can't pay attention. I am throwing a temper tantrum, I know, but sometimes I just want too!
Why is that when we grow up, we have to be adults about everything? Why is it that We aren't allowed to be kids for the rest of our lives? Maybe that is why our teenagers drive us completely nuts!!
I want to know it all! I don't want to wait until my life is over and I want my son to stop contradicting me! I also want to have one day, just one, not two, not 3, not even ten!, just one, where I am respected by the boys like I should be!!!!!!! Mom is doing okay, she has a lot of trouble sleeping because of the Trach, but they give her good ole Adovan for that! She is us. I had aally pretty stoned when I get there! I had asked that she get a blessing last Sunday and Sacrament, but they never made it up there for her. That kind of threw me off. I get over things a little more today.
Anyway,'s d share a little of what just thought I would share today!

Hello

This picture is my son and my grandbaby Ava on Halloween! My friend took the picture, Isn't she awesome?




Nothing so dramatic to report today! I am in such a good space! I love my life and I am now trying to eat better and not do stupid stuff, like drink regular soda and such! We have mice and I swear they will be the death of me was working! Anyway just checking in and had to share the love!!!!

What the Crap!

I'm laying bed sleeping hard, oh my Gosh! I feel like someones sitting on my chest, and my heart is racing. I don't understand, WHAT'S Happening to me??????? I'm having a heart ????? What am I supposed to do? I know I'm just imagining this! no way... Yes way! My heart is bating so hard it appears to be moving my entire body. I finally call my Doctors office an speak to the nurse.
We need you to come NOW! I get up no shower, and get straight to the office. The nurse looks at me and asks the question I never thought I would hear. Why haven't you filed for disability yet??? WHAT? I never have even dreamed of that. I have to work, We need insurance, yet we don't have it and here I am at the dr's office with no money and no insurance, I'm feeling as if I'm dying and can't breathe. What was I thinking. My baby has been fighting for his disability for 3 years and keeps getting denied! I can't breathe, my chest hurts! make it stop! Please God make it stop!!!!
Well I get hooked up to the machine that they have used on my son so many times I can't count an yet now it's on me! What's going on? I just started seeing my grandbaby! I can't die now!!! Please stop this!!! I can't get signal to call my husband, I'm alone. We need to get that heart rate down huh? My wonderful doctor states so eloquently.. Then Shit this isn't working. Damn it! I didn't think this would do..... What the crap! I ask my doc okay, what's going on. Oh you are in tachicardia, we just need to have you go to another doctor and he's going to give you an injection if he isn't able to stop this. Here's his address and phone# get there quickly, he will see you now and knows you don't have insurance. There will be no payment required today. Oh my God what does this all mean??? I don't understand! Ok, I drive to the other doctors office which felt like an ETERNITY!!!!! We can't get your heart rate down, and your blood pressure is low, Can you lay here? Aw that feels a little better, then It feels like a 1000 lb weight on me. I feel dizzy! Well we don't do the injections here honey you have to be admitted to get them done. WHAT???? Oh no! What do i tell my husband. We don't have the money, What are we going to do?
Heavenly Father has blessed us so much already, can he spare any more?
He's almighty he can do anything. Okay, my heart rate is slowed now 4 and half hours later. You do realize that you will be on this medication for the rest of your life? You can not stop taking this unless we taper it down.. What causes this? A lot of different things, one being the fact that I did a lot of sped the oter that my thyroid may not be working properly. another could be the diabetes. What else?? I really try to not think that way. I am so very blessd that I am alive and can tell you about it. My little brother is one of those that experiences voices and has gotten a degree from web MD and suggested that it was an anxiety attack. Yeah okay. Thankfully I trusted an actual doc to tell me. Doesn't mean I don't love him, I just freak out sometimes when he wants to diagnose me or anyone else. Thanks for letting me get this crap out! I needed it