Updates

Well Hello,
      It's been a long time. To catch everyone up on life for me, I am happy to say that I celebrated 10 years clean today. I am so grateful for my life and my Recovery in Narcotics Anonymous. I have an awesome sponsor and I attend a couple of wonderful meetings weekly. I know I would not be able to keep it together without mainaining some semblance of working a program regularly. I still work and live the steps and call my sponsor pretty regularly. I recently went down and saw her and my sister sponsees. It was incredible. I needed it. I felt so refreshed, and ready to conquer even more.

    
    We now have a seventh grandchild. Gage. He is 3 months old. Toni Marie is almost 2. That is how long it has been since I've been on here. My oldest granddaughter turned 5 this year! My oldest grandson is going to turn 3 soon, and the ones Missouri are gonna be 4 and 3! Kaleigh will be 2 this year as well! So I just told my granddaughter that I'm 10 years old today, she said "What?! Why didn't you tell me"? I showed her my coin. She said. "Are you sure your telling the truth"? I said "well, I'm 40, but I have 10 years clean today" she then asked if I went to a meeting. I said yes. She cracks me up! She is such a little grown up! I can't wait for the others to get a little older so they can be more independent too.    

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Wow, it's been since Aug! I have been busy! I quit my job, haven't found one yet! Sometimes we make bad decisions! It will be ok though. Heavenly Father will guide me. I have a few leads and school starts in January. I only made a 2.14 gpa last semester. I'm told that isn't too bad. I wanted a better one. I will try to work harder this time! Maybe even study! What a concept! Anyway, just wanted to catch up some!

The biggest news is that I have another grandchild! Her name is Kaleigh Lynn and she's gorgeous!

DeWayne and I just celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary on the 15th of December! Life truly is good! I hope that 2011 is a prosperous year and you and yours get everything that you need.

Itt's been a while

I was sitting here tonight thinking how strange life can truly be. Our great nephew and his girlfriend were found in their apt shot in the head. We are just devastated. I can't believe the things Satan tries to put in our path to make us either go get high and die, or just die.
I have moments that I am inconsolable, and then I see my 4 grand babies and thank Heavenly Father for the many blessings I have received. I find it so hard to say anything to anyone because I want to just stay at home and not talk. I thought of calling people in the church, I thought of calling people in Recovery. The only calls I could make were to the rest of my family and my sponsor. No one knew he was in trouble, no signs what so ever. Why? He was just a baby of 21. How do you try to console the mother, your niece, when you are so grateful it wasn't your own sweet baby?
I am so torn. I just wish that he had talked to someone. I understand free agency. I know why we were given it. I just don't like it sometimes. I pray that we as a family can get through this. I have been over and over in my mind what I should say when I see the rest of the family and nothing comes to mind.
I feel lost. I want to scream, cry, spit, kick, and then throw a fit! I was on my way home from work earlier and realized that my sister in law had to go through this as a grandmother. Her grandson shot his girlfriend and then himself. What could have been going through his mind? Why didn't he call? I can't fix it! I can't make it better, I can't bend my will in this or be manipulative. What does a family do? How do people deal with this?
I also thought about the addicts that never make it back in the rooms. The last time they use they die. There is no other chance for them to make it back in the rooms. How do they do it? what makes them think that they are so unloved? Don't they know that they are important to someone? What about the ones they leave behind? Does that ever cross the mind before it's too late? Why do they think that they can be so selfish? What gives them the right to take the easier softer way? We all want to run away and never look back. I know meds help me. I am grateful for the people that went to school to save me when I start thinking that that is the solution.
Suicide isn't the answer!
I don't care who you are in this world I love you! If you ever think that you aren't loved, remember that God loves you and so do I!
Keep your babies close to your heart tonight and never let a day go by without telling them how much you love them! I was able to tell Zach that I loved him. I hope he knew that when the end came.
I am grateful for the opportunities to be able to have people call me when I can't bring myself to call them!

Well, hello again.
It's a wonderful day to be clean! I am sitting here with my niece and grand daughter, watching Harry Potter. I love these movies!

We have a lot to be greatful for! Our garden is flourishing and so are the grand kids! I love getting updates on them frequently.

I start school this August and I am excited! I can;t wait to start! I am a little worried about life right now. I am not sure what will happen next, but who can say! Anyway, I went and visited mom today. She looks well, and I'm positive she can get well enough to come home.

ok, the date is getting later, The year is going on and passing me by! I enrolled in school today! I am so happy about that. I am just sad about my friend's daughter, yet I know I'll see her again. She no longer is suffering. I think the biggest thing is that my son'd mortality is more in my face than ever. I get so worried about him, he's 21, and was born with 3 major heart defects. I am more worried than ever. He gets so tired all of the time and that usually is a sign that it's getting close to the time for another surgery. I am afraid for him. He has an 80 yr old's heart at this point. I just worry. As for the life going on around me, my mom is still in the hospital, has been there since before Thanksgiving. I just hope she gets well enough to go home soon! My Grand kids are awesome!!!! Ava the oldest is growing so fast! She says things like " you're killing me", and sings about her mema and pepa! It's wonderful! Preston is already 5 and a half months old! We've had another grandson and it's getting closer to Alyssa's 2nd birthday! Where does all of the time go?

Well, I planted a huge garden this year and OM It's just flourishing!!!! I will try to catch up sooner next time!

Continued...

cooked long enough! Yo'ull get here soon! I am so very greatful for the Spoynsor my Heavenly Father helped me choose! I am greatful for the friends that keep me grounded and not so crazy! I can just say that I am loved and I love today! The greatest gifts are from above! I am so greatful for Christ's atoneing sacrifice and that we are able to be forgiven if we allow that. My faith just continues to grow and my love for the program and my faith in Heavenly Father.

Another year is about to end

I was sitting here thinking about this whole year and the good things that have happened! I am so grateful for that my mom is doing better, I am grateful for my life and the people that come in and out my life. I have been so blessed this year!
My husaband is a booger! I love him dearly! I miss my friend JeriBeth. She moved away to GA and I miss her laugh! I will cherish the huge barbcue and watching Finding Nemo, and Ice Age. I haven't laughed that hard at someone's reactions in So long!
I miss my grandduaghter in MO, and my daughters there too! I miss my friends that we've lost in the fellowship. I know that I will see them again someday, and I know they are sitting with Jimmy K having the most awesome meeting!!! I love the fact that I see my oldest granddaughter Ava regularly now! I felt such a hole in my heart that is now so full!!!! I love the fact that I have 2, yes two Grandsons on the way! Preston keeps thinking he's coming