More Pics!!!!!!

hey

I am not good at this Blogging thing, I am still sick and don't have insurance to go to the doctor. I won't go to the emergency room because there isn't any point in getting others even sicker still. I sit back and watch how my family even the ones on state assisstance or Govt insurance struggle to pay the copays for their medications. My mother for example. Right now is hospitalized with Congestive Heart Failure and liquid has been filling her lungs and around her heart. It's just a matter of time. She couldn't get any assisstance for 15 years for food and yet there are people who get everything because they live dishonestly and who pays for it? Me! I pay my bills and live honestly. There are others who I know that do the same and yet we get screwed. I know that today we have the same issues they did years ago, the only difference is that the Govt spends all kind kinds of money on stupid stuff that doesn't amount to anything worth wise, but we owe TRILLIONS of dollars. That is what the Govt does for us. Puts us further in debt!

I went and purchased a car during that cash for clunkers Cluster **** and got screwed with no lube! The car is wonderful, don't get me wrong, but who can pay for them now with no jobs!!!! KS got a ton of revenue from the stimulus and there were supposedly 6500 jobs.... And those are where exactly?

Luckily, I am great at what I do and was able to find a job quickly, but for a fraction of what I made before! I remember a time as a child that we couldn't eat on what they gave us from the state, and did what we had to to eat. I NEVER will be there again! Never!
I want more than anything the opportunity to show my kids the right way to live, but it gets harder and harder.


On a more positive note, I spent a couple of hours with my absolutely GORGEOUS grand daughter! I have been so on cloud 9 ever since! If I died right now I couldn't be happier! She is a complete love bug and the most wonderful thing is that she's so smart! She knows I'm her grandma and knows her Daddy, now she know her grandpa too! I was so upset for the longest time because, to not get his heart broken he wouldn't see her! Now the courts are involved and there is no going back!
I have written her so many unsent letters, (grand daughter) Now I get to tell her and see her and hold her. And let her FEEL my love! Heavenly Father has blessed me so much that I am just Full of gratitude! The best part of all of it is that She will carry on a part of us! My son has so much love for her and to watch them togather is so fulfilling. I love my children and grandchildren so much. I am the happiest when I am around them. I have been blessed with 2 more on the way!!!!

WOW

I messed up and hit enter too fast! I am sitting here sick and thinking to myself that it's going to be a very long night!

My mother is in the hospital with fluid on her heart and lungs, I spent one of the most wonderful afternoons with my lovely Granddaughter yesterday.

I had the strange dreams during my fever earlier and kept dreaming of the ones that are dead. I miss them so badly sometimes and I was able to see them in my dreams. I think we are given so much as gifts that there really is no way to say thank you enough! I celebrated 7 years clean Sept 14th and love Recovery. I haven't been to a meeting in a few weeks now and definitely feel it. I figured I had better catch all up. Sorry it's been so long. The baby in my photo is back in my life again,, and it is so wonderful!All I can say is that Dreams do come true and prayers are answered in God's time, not ours!

WOW!!!

Hey Ya'll from Kansas!

there are just times

I have been through some interesting things, in my time, but yesterday took the cake!
We had to take my 20 yr old son to get yet another heart Cath in Kansas City, MO. He went there because he has been seen by them since age 11. He wasborn with 3 major heart defects and has had multiple surgeries since. Anyway, so we drive up there and last Oct he had a heart attack so they put a pacemaker and defibulator in. Well when they looked at the settings, it was no wonder why it's gone off twice. They had set it too low. He had been shocked by it unnecessarily. How frustrating!!!!!!
The best thing is that we were told, NO MORE FOR A WHILE!!!! (SURGERIES)
GOD loves me! I was so relieved at that moment I cried! To think, he is great!!!!!! There is no more relief than I felt at that moment.
I also got some sad news. One of the people I went to class in Dallas with passed away from Cancer. I didn't even know he was sick. Coach D you will be missed!
I got a chance to be on the oncology floor at Children's Mercy there in KC, and I have to say, I pray I never become sick like that. Those poor kids! Those poor Parents!!!!!
I can't imagine how it would feel to know that they aren't getting better, no surgery will fix it, and you are completely powerless! Anyway, if you don't have cancer insurance I would suggest it. One family had been there with her daughter for 6 months! I pray for those families now and hope you too will do the same.

It's been a while

I haven't been able to blog for quite a while. I am so glad for 16 hour days and the ability to read, study, ponder and pray. I have had the most incredible time working. I get to focus on myself and my recovery. I am so happy that I can be gone and come home.
I don't miss that nagging sensation of not getting things done. I love the ability that I have to talk with others and share my experience, strength, and hope with people and not take it on, when they have something go wrong. I feel as if I'm free at last.
I called my sponsor today, because I was needing someone else to tell me that I CAN, not I can't. My addict brain likes to play tricks on me sometimes and say things that aren't true. She is so frigging AWESOME! She tells me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear! I love her so much. I am starting to grieve my sisters in recovery and the others as well. I don't get to see them or talk to them much, because I'm always on the go. I will get over that feeling too because they are only feelings. doesn't mean they are reality. I hope all are doing good and I'll try to blog again!