HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Wow, it's been since Aug! I have been busy! I quit my job, haven't found one yet! Sometimes we make bad decisions! It will be ok though. Heavenly Father will guide me. I have a few leads and school starts in January. I only made a 2.14 gpa last semester. I'm told that isn't too bad. I wanted a better one. I will try to work harder this time! Maybe even study! What a concept! Anyway, just wanted to catch up some!

The biggest news is that I have another grandchild! Her name is Kaleigh Lynn and she's gorgeous!

DeWayne and I just celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary on the 15th of December! Life truly is good! I hope that 2011 is a prosperous year and you and yours get everything that you need.

Itt's been a while

I was sitting here tonight thinking how strange life can truly be. Our great nephew and his girlfriend were found in their apt shot in the head. We are just devastated. I can't believe the things Satan tries to put in our path to make us either go get high and die, or just die.
I have moments that I am inconsolable, and then I see my 4 grand babies and thank Heavenly Father for the many blessings I have received. I find it so hard to say anything to anyone because I want to just stay at home and not talk. I thought of calling people in the church, I thought of calling people in Recovery. The only calls I could make were to the rest of my family and my sponsor. No one knew he was in trouble, no signs what so ever. Why? He was just a baby of 21. How do you try to console the mother, your niece, when you are so grateful it wasn't your own sweet baby?
I am so torn. I just wish that he had talked to someone. I understand free agency. I know why we were given it. I just don't like it sometimes. I pray that we as a family can get through this. I have been over and over in my mind what I should say when I see the rest of the family and nothing comes to mind.
I feel lost. I want to scream, cry, spit, kick, and then throw a fit! I was on my way home from work earlier and realized that my sister in law had to go through this as a grandmother. Her grandson shot his girlfriend and then himself. What could have been going through his mind? Why didn't he call? I can't fix it! I can't make it better, I can't bend my will in this or be manipulative. What does a family do? How do people deal with this?
I also thought about the addicts that never make it back in the rooms. The last time they use they die. There is no other chance for them to make it back in the rooms. How do they do it? what makes them think that they are so unloved? Don't they know that they are important to someone? What about the ones they leave behind? Does that ever cross the mind before it's too late? Why do they think that they can be so selfish? What gives them the right to take the easier softer way? We all want to run away and never look back. I know meds help me. I am grateful for the people that went to school to save me when I start thinking that that is the solution.
Suicide isn't the answer!
I don't care who you are in this world I love you! If you ever think that you aren't loved, remember that God loves you and so do I!
Keep your babies close to your heart tonight and never let a day go by without telling them how much you love them! I was able to tell Zach that I loved him. I hope he knew that when the end came.
I am grateful for the opportunities to be able to have people call me when I can't bring myself to call them!

Well, hello again.
It's a wonderful day to be clean! I am sitting here with my niece and grand daughter, watching Harry Potter. I love these movies!

We have a lot to be greatful for! Our garden is flourishing and so are the grand kids! I love getting updates on them frequently.

I start school this August and I am excited! I can;t wait to start! I am a little worried about life right now. I am not sure what will happen next, but who can say! Anyway, I went and visited mom today. She looks well, and I'm positive she can get well enough to come home.

ok, the date is getting later, The year is going on and passing me by! I enrolled in school today! I am so happy about that. I am just sad about my friend's daughter, yet I know I'll see her again. She no longer is suffering. I think the biggest thing is that my son'd mortality is more in my face than ever. I get so worried about him, he's 21, and was born with 3 major heart defects. I am more worried than ever. He gets so tired all of the time and that usually is a sign that it's getting close to the time for another surgery. I am afraid for him. He has an 80 yr old's heart at this point. I just worry. As for the life going on around me, my mom is still in the hospital, has been there since before Thanksgiving. I just hope she gets well enough to go home soon! My Grand kids are awesome!!!! Ava the oldest is growing so fast! She says things like " you're killing me", and sings about her mema and pepa! It's wonderful! Preston is already 5 and a half months old! We've had another grandson and it's getting closer to Alyssa's 2nd birthday! Where does all of the time go?

Well, I planted a huge garden this year and OM It's just flourishing!!!! I will try to catch up sooner next time!