Saturday, November 7, 2009

What the Crap!

I'm laying bed sleeping hard, oh my Gosh! I feel like someones sitting on my chest, and my heart is racing. I don't understand, WHAT'S Happening to me??????? I'm having a heart ????? What am I supposed to do? I know I'm just imagining this! no way... Yes way! My heart is bating so hard it appears to be moving my entire body. I finally call my Doctors office an speak to the nurse.
We need you to come NOW! I get up no shower, and get straight to the office. The nurse looks at me and asks the question I never thought I would hear. Why haven't you filed for disability yet??? WHAT? I never have even dreamed of that. I have to work, We need insurance, yet we don't have it and here I am at the dr's office with no money and no insurance, I'm feeling as if I'm dying and can't breathe. What was I thinking. My baby has been fighting for his disability for 3 years and keeps getting denied! I can't breathe, my chest hurts! make it stop! Please God make it stop!!!!
Well I get hooked up to the machine that they have used on my son so many times I can't count an yet now it's on me! What's going on? I just started seeing my grandbaby! I can't die now!!! Please stop this!!! I can't get signal to call my husband, I'm alone. We need to get that heart rate down huh? My wonderful doctor states so eloquently.. Then Shit this isn't working. Damn it! I didn't think this would do..... What the crap! I ask my doc okay, what's going on. Oh you are in tachicardia, we just need to have you go to another doctor and he's going to give you an injection if he isn't able to stop this. Here's his address and phone# get there quickly, he will see you now and knows you don't have insurance. There will be no payment required today. Oh my God what does this all mean??? I don't understand! Ok, I drive to the other doctors office which felt like an ETERNITY!!!!! We can't get your heart rate down, and your blood pressure is low, Can you lay here? Aw that feels a little better, then It feels like a 1000 lb weight on me. I feel dizzy! Well we don't do the injections here honey you have to be admitted to get them done. WHAT???? Oh no! What do i tell my husband. We don't have the money, What are we going to do?
Heavenly Father has blessed us so much already, can he spare any more?
He's almighty he can do anything. Okay, my heart rate is slowed now 4 and half hours later. You do realize that you will be on this medication for the rest of your life? You can not stop taking this unless we taper it down.. What causes this? A lot of different things, one being the fact that I did a lot of sped the oter that my thyroid may not be working properly. another could be the diabetes. What else?? I really try to not think that way. I am so very blessd that I am alive and can tell you about it. My little brother is one of those that experiences voices and has gotten a degree from web MD and suggested that it was an anxiety attack. Yeah okay. Thankfully I trusted an actual doc to tell me. Doesn't mean I don't love him, I just freak out sometimes when he wants to diagnose me or anyone else. Thanks for letting me get this crap out! I needed it

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