Monday, March 9, 2009

indescribable





Saturday was such a busy day that I thought it would never end. I haven't blogged in a while, due to unforseeable conflicts in my life. Anyway! I was up at 6 am Sat morning and we were scheduled to clean the church. As I was cleaning the windows of the building I was overwhelmed with the feeling of gratitude that I am able to do such things. Then I felt another overwhelming sensation. I wanted to cry. I have been so blessed in my life with the church and the support from the people in it and have met and lost people that have moved or due to boundary changes that I have grown in my personal life.




I of course being the addict that I am hate change, but I have accepted it (with claw marks) and have grown later from it. I want more than anything for my children to benefit from what I have learned.




As I was learning about the whole wax on wax off theory of cleaning that morning so many epiphanies were hitting me like bricks in the head. I may be one person doing one minor thing, but if everyone does just one minor thing than Everything gets done! I also thought about the fact that We Latter Day Saints have a whole lot of kids. They put their hands on EVERYTHING!!! The true definition of insanity: expecting those same windows and doors to be clean the next day when I got there at 11 am!




I don't mind though! that's the funniest thing about all of it. If someone had come behind me and printed them up, oh well! I am powerless today. I did work for my Heavenly Father's house and no one else. Not for notoriety, or to be recognized. Just to do it.




That feeling is indescribable. Talk about selfless service. Okay, so about the rest of the weekend. I went to church Sunday, and all I wanted to go and be there. I didn't want any trouble from the kids and the others that were with us. No luck there. My son decided that he didn't need to attend the meeting and stayed outside the whole time with his cousin. I was so angry with him. Then one of the nephews was just rude and contemptuous. I wanted to scream and beat them. I Know that isn't the answer by any means, but sometimes you think it might make you feel better! I have completely had All I am going to take of all of the kids.




They know that I have reached my breaking point and that if there is any other problems, I send the ones that aren't mine away. I have one child at home that is mine, I'll be darned if I'm going to destroy his future any longer! I gave one of them the option of Jobcorp today, he just has to tell me that's what he wants. The other is leaving soon! YIPEE!!!!!!!




6 comments:

  1. I'm glad that you solved part of the problem by just taking on your children and not the others. Every day I'm glad to not have any children. I don't think that my serenity would last.

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  2. I have a hard time with change also. I would prefer things stay the way they are forever. But i cope and i am glad you found a way also

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