Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I'm here again

I sit here thinking about all of the things going on around me. I had to give up my Hospitals and Institutions Meeting that I have taken into the jail for the last 4 years. I haven't not taken in H&I since I got clean. This helps carry the message to the still suffering addict. I cried. I will be out on the road the days that they are held at the jail so I can no longer go. I was devestated yet understanding of my requirements to help my family.

I will have to pray for the women to come together and make sure that it is covered each month. I have been doing some soul searching. My spouse likes to tell me when I get angry or when I feel upset, or what have you. It cracks me up because I know what I feel, and he thinks he knows.

I have really been working on the fact that I have no control. I don't want the control any longer. I used to want to control everything. Sadly I wasn't even aware of it! I have become blatantly aware now. The main time that I want to take the reigns again is when it comes to my kids.

I went to my class today to learn about the Kansas license for health insurance. My head was completely swimming! I am feeling a little overwhelmed. I hate test taking and freeze up. I am worried now. I am going to study all day tomorrow and Thursday and attempt to take it Thursday night or afternoon. I will just take each thing a step at a time. I am so ready to start my new job and make money. I want to get my vehicle paid off and get a truck or small suv to take out in the field with me.

Well, I guess I should go. I need to get a little rest. TTFN


  1. your gr8 in experiencing your life! BTW nice story

  2. Giving up control hasn't been easy but I have learned a lot about being powerless through Al-Anon. Good luck with the test.